guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Pants are for mortals
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
