Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
