I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i think im in europe. pls send help
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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