Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
