she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
