she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
