Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
