Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
