I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
