roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
