Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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