Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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