So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's blow job season.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Never underestimate the power of titties
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
