You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
