it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
