How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You pole danced in your parka.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
