were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
