Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
