There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
