OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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