I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
