I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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