Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
