i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
