I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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