i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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