I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
