I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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