I showed him my bush... on skype.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
