I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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