Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
