Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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