I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
