Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
