My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
as a side note pls kill me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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