you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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