You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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