dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
