I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
