y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
