what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we made out on top of his cat.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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