I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
MIDGETS
????
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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