He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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