While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
