threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Every concussion has its silver lining
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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