and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The best revenge is premature balding
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
