I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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