:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
COCAINE IS GR8
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
