My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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