so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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