forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
