Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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