Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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