So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I intend to get homeless drunk
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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