You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't put those talents on a resume
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
