I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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