Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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