like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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