90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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