Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
