is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
be right there i have to get my cape
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Randomize
