yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
