dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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