I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
