i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
