I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
