we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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