so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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