Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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